Grooming

   I am not a metro sexual.  Lemme get that out of the way.  Military Haircut,  Starched Shirts,  Pressed Dockers, Etc.   My idea of accessories are matching the holster and belt to my shoes.  Simple things.   Used to date a fitness person.  Chick would be the appropriate moniker but don't want to offend, (much).  


Anyway,   I am not svelte,  picture burly or Beorn if that gives you a better frame of reference.   And She was into the whole appearance thing.  Me, not so much.   Gods know she tried.  I was accused of having 5.11 being my Tailor.  Don't see the problem,  the stuff they made fits. Dress Shirts with a Body armor Vest.  Like it was made for me.  Anyhow,   I am that Beetle browed, Knuckle Draggin' guy and have the single eyebrow running across the front ramp.   I guess She figured small steps and asked if I wanted to go do a Spa Treatment.  Sure, Why Not,  "What could be the Harm"?   I thought.  Picture Dark Clouds forming on the horizon,  Lessening of the winds and a kind of unsettled hush.   Should have paid attention to the signs.   Right,  Didn't start off bad, Massage,  Haircut,  things of those ilk.   Now I remember hearing something 'bout trimming the eyebrow.   I don't if for nothing else,  it drives the secretary at work right up the wall.  Not in the amorous way,  the bat shite insane I can't stand it way  ;).    Why is it they import Olga from the Ukraine for these things I don't understand.  Not like those guys do the whole grooming thing.   So Olga takes the warm buttery stuff and smears it on the center line above the nose.  OK,  Shaving cream.  The things we do for love.  Next Olga takes a puts a piece of Tape (?) there.  Still no problem. She then ripped it off.   Stars,  a White hot sheet of WTF, and me looking cross eyed for a sec.  Now I've been tased,  Went through that for training.  As soon as they let off the gas,   I was ready to murder.   Here I am doing the whole breathing exercise and She was looking at me guessing if she should hit the exit.   OK,  I am in it now.  Gotta finish or I'll look like something from a bad movie.  Two more warm buttery treatments and  my eyebrows are not what they used to be.   Turns out she was leading up to get me to get a body wax.   Seems one of the guys from the office does the whole Brazilian body wax.   Short Answer, No.  I will never do that again. 

    Pepper Spray,  Tazer,  Tear Gas.   All in a days work.   Come near me with a Can of Wax,  I'll shoot ya.